Harris laid his hands on the intricate metal handles and pushed open the door.  Over the gold rug, chairs were set haphazardly around a boardroom table.  As he walked in, sensor circuits transpared the huge picture window until he could see the great and silver buildings of the city.

I did this exercise 21 years ago.  The point then was clarity.  Now I might add some hints about Harris’s mood: perhaps his pupils expand, or his cheeks flush.  There again, I think some of his awe comes across in word choice, e.g. he ‘laid’ his hands on the handles–which, to me, implies a pause, a significant moment.  And ‘great’ carries a fair amount of weight. Now, too, I would probably fix the repetitive sentence structure of Over the gold rug, chairs… and As he walked in, sensor…

Posted by: Nicola